Guidance vs. Discipline vs. Punishment

On today's episode, we are breaking down the differences between guidance, discipline, and punishment. 

To download the infographic for today’s episode, please visit: http://kskits.org/kids-these-days-podcast-0

To read through the complete definition of corporal punishment and abuse, please visit: https://nrckids.org/CFOC/Database/2.2.0.9

guidance. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved June 19, 2020 from Dictionary.com website https://www.dictionary.com/browse/discipline?s=t 

Kids These Days is a co-production of the KCCTO-KITS Infant Toddler Specialist Network (ITSN) and KCCTO Workforce Development (WFD) programs.
The KCCTO-KITS Infant-Toddler Specialist Network is a program of the Kansas Child Care Training Opportunities, Inc. (KCCTO) and the university of Kansas Life Span Institute at Parsons. The Workforce Development Project is a program of KCCTO.  Each program is supported through a grant from the Kansas Department For Children And Families’ Child Care And Early Education Services. However, information or opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the position or policy of the agency and no official endorsement should be inferred.

To learn more about the Infant Toddler Specialist Network, please visit: http://kskits.org/technical-assistance-0.  

To learn more about KCCTO and Workforce Development, please visit: https://kccto.org/ 

Contact us via email at – kidsthesedayspod@gmail.com 

Follow and tag us on Instagram @kidsthesedayspod 

Music credit: Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3843-hackbeat 

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ 

Kids These Days is a co-production of the KCCTO-KITS Infant Toddler Specialist Network (ITSN) and KCCTO Workforce Development (WFD) programs.
The KCCTO-KITS Infant-Toddler Specialist Network is a program of the Kansas Child Care Training Opportunities, Inc. (KCCTO) and the university of Kansas Life Span Institute at Parsons. The Workforce Development Project is a program of KCCTO. Each program is supported through a grant from the Kansas Department For Children And Families’ Child Care And Early Education Services. However, information or opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the position or policy of the agency and no official endorsement should be inferred.

To learn more about the Infant Toddler Specialist Network, please visit: http://kskits.org/technical-assistance-0.

To learn more about KCCTO and Workforce Development, please visit: https://kccto.org/

Contact us via email at – kidsthesedayspod@gmail.com

Follow and tag us on Instagram & Facebook @kidsthesedayspod & Twitter @ktdpod

Music credit: Hackbeat by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3843-hackbeat License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

As a young child, were you taught that children should be seen and not heard? Or that asking for help or speaking up when things aren't right is an appropriate way to get your needs met? As an adult, when something is bothering you, do you keep quiet or do you speak up and out about it? How might your answers to those two questions influence your interactions with children? Today we are talking about guidance versus discipline versus punishment. Hey, it's Sarah, and this is Kids These Days, a podcast brought to you by funding through the Kansas Department for Children and Families. One of the first things I did when researching this episode was to look up the definitions of punishment, guidance, and specifically that of discipline. While I felt confident in my current definition of what discipline means, I'm always searching to better understand and explain things I think I know. I had a killer intro to this section written that included a real smarty pants delivery of the real definition of discipline, and how it is not the same thing as punishment. Then along came the dictionary.com app to burst my confirmation bias bubble. Yes, what I knew to be true about discipline was there. Training to act in accordance with rules, activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill, behavior in accordance with rules of conduct. But then, as I turned the handle on the Jack in the Box, I mean scrolled through the definition, pop, there was Jack. I mean, the evidence against what I had come to believe and teach others about what discipline really means. Dictionary.com also defines discipline as punishment inflicted by way of correction and training, an instrument of punishment. Needless to say, y'all, I was shook. How was I going to proceed with this episode? Was I going to proceed with this episode? Spoiler alert, I did. You're listening. But I thought long and hard about it, and here's what I came to. If I, as the quote-unquote subject matter expert in things like the guidance, discipline, and punishment of young children, was no longer confident in my definition and understanding and perception of those concepts, perhaps that lack of confidence and understanding is the driving force behind the debate and uncertainty I encounter when I talk to others about guidance, discipline, and punishment. Can you guess what's coming next? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Beulaire? Yep. My solid and genuine definitions of guidance, discipline, and punishment. Punishment. To penalize a child for a developmentally appropriate behavior or mistake, the use of corporal punishment, physical, emotional, sexual, or mental abuse, with the intention of modifying behavior without causing a physical injury others can see. Please check out the show notes for a more in-depth, thorough description of corporal punishment and types of abuse. Discipline. A training, activity, exercise, or regimen that develops or improves a skill. Guidance. Providing leadership, care, positive, meaningful feedback, and assistance to children as they travel through the unfamiliarity of everyday life.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Looking for reliable online resources to share with parents or to learn more about why kids do what they do? Well, search no more. The Casito Kits Infant Toddler Specialist Network has created a collection of one-page information sheets, virtual kits, and online technical assistance packets just for you. These resources cover topics from fighting, resilience, active supervision, intentional planning for infants and toddlers, and so much more. Find the link in your show notes or visit kskids.org backslash technical-assistance-zero to access these resources today.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Now that we are all on the same sheet of music about what they mean, let's talk about why it is important to know the difference between guidance, discipline, and punishment. While it appears to be effective in the short term, punishment does not often lead to the long-term learning of self-awareness, self-control, and self-discipline that we're ultimately hoping for. In fact, punishment often acts to reinforce behaviors that we're trying to get rid of. Let's real quick go back to the forced apologies we talked about in the very first episode. You'll remember that a large portion of action taking for young children happens in either the brainstem, fight, fight, or freeze, and or the limbic system, the emotional I hate you, you stupid poopy face, not by the prefrontal cortex, our decision maker that's fully developed when we're about 25 or 30. And that knowing this helps us as adults to understand that children truly do not know why they did what they did. So, putting two-year-old Sarah in timeout, a form of punishment for any child under the age of five, because she bit someone, likely a behavior driven by her brainstem and/or limbic system, and not the prefrontal cortex, does not teach Sarah not to bite. Putting Sarah in timeout for biting teaches her to hide and lie about the biting. As well as, as well as not helping Sarah acknowledge and begin to understand the reason behind why she bit. Punishment does not require us to look for the reasons behind the behavior, to embrace and acknowledge it, and then teach it a replacement behavior. Punishment sees a wrongdoing and penalizes it. Maybe Sarah bit because she was feeling overwhelmed by the environment or the kids around her, but she doesn't have the words or strategies to handle those emotions and thoughts. So you send her to time out to think about what she's done without going with her to talk about it. Or maybe you send her to the director's office or her bedroom. Guess what? The next time Sarah's feeling overwhelmed or tired or frustrated, she may bite, assuming you will send her to be alone where her body can eventually calm itself. Instead of helping her begin to understand why she bit, because she was overwhelmed, and what her body needs, space and grace to calm. You have taught Sarah that one way to gain the quiet alone space she needs to calm, she needs to bite. Really, really important to remember right here. We are not fortune-tellers or brain thought x-ray machines. Though if you speak to other, you may be on your way to developing that technology. I don't know. Unless they tell us, we cannot know what a child thinks, assumes, or understands. Which is why I said she may bite, assuming you will send her to be alone. Nor can we predict or know with any kind of certainty what behaviors they will engage in throughout each day, which again is why I said we're teaching Sarah one way to gain the quiet alone space she needs to calm that she has to bite. If our long-term learning goals for Sarah are to develop self-awareness, self-control, and self-discipline, we must look at this situation through the lens of guidance and discipline versus punishment. So remember, discipline is something that develops or improves a skill, and guidance provides leadership, care, feedback, and assistance to children throughout the unfamiliarity of life. Providing meaningful guidance to children requires that you are constantly observing to gather information and reflecting to find meaning in that information. With Sarah, this might mean that over the course of the last couple of weeks you've been tracking her bites with your co-teacher in the classroom or at home, you as a parent, recording things like what time the bite happened, where the bite happened, who she was around when the bite happened, what she was doing before and after the bite happened, as a means to gather information to reflect and find meaning. The data you've gathered shows that most of Sarah's bites happen during transition times andor in the dramatic and block areas during free play time. This should lead you to look more closely at your play areas and transitions. Are the play areas crowded? Too much stuff? Not enough stuff? Too small? Do you have planned activities? Are your planned activities appropriate? What about transitions? Yes, there will be an episode later in the season specifically about transitions. We all know transitions can make a break or day. Are yours planned? Or is it more of a cat herding situation? So now when Sarah bites, we are able to add our guidance and discipline tools to our team and observation tools to help her navigate through the developmentally appropriate behavioral phase of biting. So when Sarah bites, you say in a firm, calm voice, ouch, biting hurts. Teeth are for eating food, not biting. Did you feel like she was too close to you? Yeah. Okay, when you feel that way, say, move back, please. Melissa, are you okay? Sarah, look, it hurt when you bit Melissa's arm. Melissa, can you tell Sarah I don't like it when you bite me? That hurts. Sarah, would you like me to go with you to the safe space for some breaths and get some space? Nah, good. Okie dokie, remember, you can go to the safe space anytime you need breaths or some space, and I'm always here to help. Through the data that we gathered and reflected upon, we were able to acknowledge and embrace that Sarah is going through a developmentally appropriate phase of biting, and that we as the adults lead and control the setup of the room and the plans for the day. Through the practice of modeling and teaching, we are able to provide Sarah new skills and replacement behaviors through our leadership, care, feedback, and assistance. Those skills and behaviors being teaching her that teeth are for food, or to say, move back, please, or to utilize the safe space for breaths and space, and reminding her that teachers are here for her anytime she needs them. When you provide consistent positive guidance, you help children to develop and build self-discipline. I want to wrap things up today by revisiting the questions I posed at the top of the episode, but through the lens of thinking traps. Remember those common patterns in thinking that undermine mental toughness and performance that lead to an inaccurate understanding of the situation, particularly when we are under stress? Children as young as two can mimic the thinking styles of the adults around them, and by the age of 12 to 13, thinking trap patterns start to form and then crystallize. With that in mind, how does the way you are guided, disciplined, and punished as a child influence your interactions with children? How does the way you guide, discipline, and punish yourself as an adult influence your interactions with children? Does it make sense that providing guidance to children is also really about providing guidance to yourself? Are you interacting with children from inside thinking traps, especially during times of stress? Are you willing and able to reflect to find meaning in yours and others' behaviors? Remember to take a moment for you today. Go back, look at your self-care checklist. Let your check marks guide you in your journey through your X marks, and then go wash your hands. Kids These Days is a co-production of the Casito Kids Infant Toddler Specialist Network and Workforce Development Programs. These programs are supported through a grant from the Kansas Department for Children and Families Child Care and Early Education Services. However, information or opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the position or policy of the agency, and no official endorsement should be inferred. If you have questions, comments, suggestions, or want to share your practice related to this or previous episode, please email kidspacepod at gmail.com and follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Kidsbees Basepod. Be sure to check out the infographic and other resources for this episode in the show notes. And don't forget to hit subscribe. This episode was written, recorded, and edited by Sarah Bols. Infographics by Ruby Benavides. Music track Hack Beat by Kevin McLeod. See you next time on Kids Bee's Day.